So, I have to come clean. I’ve been working on a large, ongoing non-knitting project for the past few months, and it’s helped get me through. It’s not quite ready for unveiling, but I thought I’d introduce the world to the knitter group.

Star Wars Galaxies pretty much drained me last year. So, wanting something new and less stressful, I tried Second Life. It’s a lot of fun, but as with any virtual world, there are bad characters, and places you probably shouldn’t go alone.

I’m Tina Blackflag in SL, and I do a bit of everything. I teach scripting, script, do a touch of building, and do some clothing design. I even knit! (Photos of that later).

Mainly, though, I shop. SL has woken the inner fashionista in me. So I thought I’d share a little photo gallery of myself in SL. The pictures are fairly old - need to take more of my recent purchases.

Pokemon goofiness, the world is getting back to normal.

Since we’ve established that, what do we think this is?

Well, I wasn’t at the point where the pattern says to put the project on waste yarn and try it on, but I couldn’t wait. I *knew* I had screwed up, and didn’t want to waste any more time. So, deep breath, shaking fingers as I transfer stitches, and then…try it on.

And…it fits. Really well, as far as I can tell. Of course, at this point it’s really just a small, odd poncho. But it will be okay. So here’s an work-in-progress picture for those who are interested.

Pattern is Wicked in KnitPicks Swish Superwash, color Dublin. I’m really enjoying the yarn. It’s very squishy, and I think I’ll really love the sweater when it’s done. I’m also absolutely loving the KnitPicks Options needles. They make knitting a joy, to me.

Knitting is enjoyable again. I’m on the fourth ball of yarn out of nine. Just sailing through this sweater, and I can’t wait to wear it. It’s the second in what I intend to make a yearly ritual. I will knit myself something nice for my birthday, every year. Last year it was the Jaywalker socks in the eye-blindingly happy colors. This year, the sweater. Next year? Who knows - I’m not going to hold myself back.

What do I like best about this project? It’s a sign that things are more steady now. I’m finding fun again. I’m learning to make myself happy. Important lessons.

You know what might make the best day, ever? Knitting on this while listening to an audio version of Karen Traviss‘ Republic Commando: Triple Zero. That novel has been better than comfort food for me this past year - it’s been comfort reading. Too bad there doesn’t seem to be an audio version.
Which just goes to prove that TD-0013 knows what’s good for the Imperial citizen. He’s from the Empire, he’s here to help.

These have actually been finished for a good while now. Pattern is Fetching from Knitty, worked in KnitPicks‘ Andean Silk. I’m pretty sure the color is Olive - of course I’ve lost the ball bands.

Yes, this was mainly a depression-lessening exercise. I’ve had one sock on the needles literally since I’ve started seeing the psychologist, and it’s worn on me. I keep getting to a point, becoming completely unhappy with it, and ripping it back to the beginning. I’m tempted to do so again, but for better reasons. Right now it’s plain stockinette, and I want to do something a little nicer with it. We’ll see.

In any case, I took some time and wandered through my stash to see if I could find some kind of inspiration. I had two balls of the Andean Silk, and they just seemed perfect to make something both useful and a little luxurious.

On a somewhat light note, I didn’t notice until halfway through the second piece that I was using three size 5 needles and one size 7. Normally I’m obsessed with being perfect (and yes, it’s getting a lot of work in therapy), but for once I was okay with “close enough.” That’s very good progress for me.

And now, I’m working on a large project for, well, the first time in ages. In fact, it’s the largest project I’ve started, and it’s for me. Currently in the “Oh, God, is it going to fit?” stage, I’ll post pictures after I know one way or the other. Otherwise I feel as if I’ll jinx it.

2006 was not a good year for me. Probably evident in the low blog volume. And, honestly, the lack of knitting volume. Anyone like a list of FOs for 2006?

1. Jaywalker Socks
2. Dublin Bay Socks
3. One cotton dishcloth, in a revolting series of colors that I never wove the ends in on and have since lost
4. Jayne Hat (My favorite project ever, honestly)

I spent the largest part of 2006 depressed. Don’t want to get out of bed, crying at the drop of a hat, life is miserable depressed.

I’m feeling a great deal better now, most of the time. I have wonderful friends who push me into taking care of myself. I have a great psychiatrist, and now an equally good therapist. And I have a loving family. (Yes. Yes I am tearing up while writing this. I’m so grateful for you all).

Not every day is better. I still have times where I don’t want to do anything, but they get less and less. Honestly, the thing I want to say most is this: If you are suffering from depression, or know someone who is, find a good doctor. I’ve seen a psychiatrist before, but not one that I really got along with, and that really hurt my progress. I spent six years with the worst parts of my problems undiagnosed, and on an incorrect dose of medication.

Something else that’s important to me: You hear stories of the horrors of anti-depressants. I’m not doubting they happen, honestly. But something I don’t think is often heard is when they help. Too often someone tries one (if at all) from their family doctor, has a side-effect, and gives up on the whole class of medication. Please, don’t, if you need help. The first one my family doctor put me on was awful for me. However, now that I’m on the correct dosage of the proper medication, it’s amazingly different.

I don’t want stigmas to interfere with anyone feeling better. You wouldn’t feel guilty about having the flu, you shouldn’t feel ashamed of mental disorders, either. So, to show I’m not ashamed, I’ll disclose my own issues.

For the longest time last year, agitated depression ruled my life and made everything else seem minimal. However, under that I have agoraphobia and obsessive-compulsive disorder. But I can and will learn to live a good life, even if it’s hard. There’s no reason not to.

For anyone. It just takes help. And there’s always someone out there willing to help. It’s scary to take the first step, but it gets better. Trust me.

*hugs all*

If there’s anyone out there still reading, there will be knitting content next post. Including my first FO of 2007, and my current WIP. Excited?